she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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