it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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