I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
