I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
