did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
