so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize