I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
