I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
