absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
