i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
