I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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