Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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