You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
