You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
