I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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