And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
