You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
