As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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