if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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