You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
