I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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