new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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