she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
