honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
