Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
