just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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