god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His nipple licking is glorious
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