Umm I'm too high to move.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
