You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
