Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
