Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
