Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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