I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
