i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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