i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
