what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
