brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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