yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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