cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
