i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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