he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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