i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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