So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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