I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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