I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
