people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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