I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
