So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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