Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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