Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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