Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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