i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize