she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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