I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
