At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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