Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
