I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
