Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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