..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
