dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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