I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
