I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
