he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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