"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
