He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
