I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
