dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
