Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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