My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
