God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Vodka?
Forever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
